Renovating the RLC and myself

The remote learning centre (RLC) is, as the name suggests, a learning centre for children that was developed by our school. It is in a village called Kondakal. However the surroundings and the environment are not really conducive for learning. There are broken and rusting fences, the walls aren't very nice to look at, there is a lot of empty land. So this project aimed to achieve 4 things to improve the surroundings- fix and repaint the fence, plant saplings, develop a sitting area and paint walls.

On the first day I was very excited to go for this CAS project. After my experience in Mumbai, I was filled with anticipation to do some hard core manual labor again.

However when I went there, I was disappointed. My group was supposed to mend the fence but we did not have the required equipment to do so. So it felt like a waste of time initially. However during the process I noticed things about myself. At one point the person in charge came and suggested a plan of action. My group members were against it. We came up with another idea. At this point, when I communicated the idea to the in-charge, I realized one of my strengths while working in a group- the ability to communicate ideas effectively. This made me aware that my contribution to the group need not be always about coming up with ideas.

After that I painted the walls with my fingers a bit and then went to serve food to the local kids. I had a great time. However one of my classmates did not speak telugu and he was not a very confident person. So when I told him how to ask if the children wanted food, he said it. But maybe because he wasn’t confident of himself, the children laughed. Yet he asked again. At that point I was very proud of him. But he left after a while. This was when I realized the important role that language plays and how knowing the local language gives me a great advantage. I was grateful for it.

Then I went and helped the gardening group. I realized that I found it extremely gratifying to do the manual work like digging and carrying. It made me feel strong.

At one point my friend in the gardening group made a comment about how his group was much better planned than the painting group. Though I was in the group required to repair the fence, I took it very personally and told him our group did not have the materials! (maybe because we also hadn’t achieved much). This brought out once again my extreme need to always be good at what I do. It also told me that I get very defensive.

Then we went back to school and did some clay modeling. I started off making a cowboy and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I did not want to leave it when it was time to go.

The second day was much more tiring than the first. On the first day we thought that we absolutely required a drill machine to fix the fence (to drill into the concrete foundation). We thought that this was a very impractical project and it was beyond our capacity. But on that day we found a much simpler and effective solution. So once we let go of the notion that it was impossible and that there was only one possible solution, we found a new solution. This once again taught me the importance of being open to new ideas.

I also noticed something else about myself. The “strength” that I felt when I was doing manual labor was directly related to how strong people around me thought I was. For example I realized that I felt happier about the work I did when people came and told me I have done a great job and that I had put in a lot of effort. So is recognition of my work an important part of how I feel about my work? In some cases it seems so.

I noticed another part of myself. I was working really hard and I kept wanting to try my hand at everything. After a while my team mates let me do most of the things while they rested probably because they were tired. They were all guys and I was the only girl. I was also tired but I kept going on. I kind of resented that they were not doing more work. At one point, my team mater asked another to carry cement. (oh I loved learning how to mix cement) But it looked like he did not want to do it (or so it seemed to me!). So I took it from him. I was the one taking up all the tasks and then resenting the fact that others were not doing much later! The explanation to this contradictory behavior was probably that I was tired and I wanted to prove myself and to others that I was strong.

The second day of clay session was very peaceful. People around me were talking and laughing. I just sat there and worked on my cowboy. It was like mediation for me. I loved my cowboy model. A few people told me that it was great and I loved it. But not many of my friends saw it. So I kept showing it to them and telling them how much I loved it (all of this was subconscious. I realized it only now). More evidence for my need for recognition? Seems so!

The third day was the winding up day and we worked for much longer. I was very exhausted and I realized that I snap at people a lot when I am tired. The difference is initially I never realized it was because I was tired, but now I realize it. I was so tired that I could not even appreciate the amazing work we had done on the fence. Later I was generally talking to all the kids and when they told me they really liked me I felt great.

Overall I just loved this RLC and clay modeling. Once again it told me a lot about myself. I think I am one step closer to knowing more about who I am.

Learning outcomes achieved:

1. Increased awareness of my strengths and areas of growth
2. Undertook new challenges
3. Planned and initiated activities
4. Worked colloboratively with others
5. Shown perseverance and commitment in the activities
6. Developed new skills

My first taste of camping

I went for the leadership camp in the Indus school of leadership in Yellagiri hills. Leadership camp is a camp that every Indus student goes to once a year. This was my first year at Indus so I did not know much about the camp, except things I'd heard from my classmates like there was going to be trekking, we would live in tents and that it was extremely fun or extremely pointless depending on who I asked. Overall I was filled with anticipation because this was my first ever camping experience.

In the introductory session where we got to know our teammates, I learnt that the way people look at me is maybe different from what I think of myself. I also learnt that while I sub consciously take in details about people, conscious efforts have to be made to know and observe the people around. I observe very little of the things around me. In the centipede and group juggle activity I realized that previous meticulous planning might need to be compromised during the actual activity and it is important to be able to adapt. I also learnt what it meant to be focused. 

From the acid river I learnt that sometimes it might just be easier to start again if we are stuck. That way we learn from our own mistakes. I also learnt that there will be times when I am required to speak even when I do not want to ( like the time when I had given up on the team and did not want to say anything more, but then suddenly none of the team members were allowed to speak except me). I learnt that though some things might seem impossible, it is better to try them rather than just waste time debating, because most of the times the consequences aren't that grave. In the nitrous swing, I was grateful to my team members for helping me swing. I also realized that when people keep encouraging you, nothing seems impossible, while laughing at people just crushes their confidence (though no one really shows it)

Next day in the discovery (more popularly known as the challenge tower) I was proud of how I was capable of going on even when I was scared and tired. This was evident by how I pushed myself activity through activity (though I was terrified even during the first activity) hanging on ropes all the while, for hours at a stretch. I also realized that though I knew I was safe, I had great difficulty letting go when I had to jump off 25 feet (wearing a harness of course!). this is something that I observe several times in various other aspects of life also like how I am sacred of dogs even if I know they wont harm me. This suggests that knowing I am safe does nothing to reduce the fear. At one point I should just decide for myself to let go and that is when the fear will reduce. Though it is very difficult for me to decide completely (not just intellectually) to let go of the fear. Hence I was very proud when I managed to jump off!

In the tribal painting, I was very enthusiastic and planned and initiated the activity with another team mate. However later I began to wonder if my enthusiasm might be considered bossy. I asked other people. Though they said no,  I decided to take more care. The trek next day was a unique experience itself. I had previously never thought that I would be able to walk 10 Kms let alone trek up and down that distance. I encountered my ever-favorite dogs again and was terrified. People made fun of my fear for dogs and animals but it did not bother me much for some reason. Maybe I was genuinely too scared to care. Later when we were walking uphill, we were out of water and out of energy (I had eaten just 2 slices of bread in the morning). The only thing that kept me going was the mantra “one more step”. At one point when we reached a small pond, we were ecstatic. Never before was I so happy to see water. The candies that I ate as I soaked in that pond were one of the best things that I have ever eaten. I experienced true hunger and thirst that day. I am very happy that I managed to finish that trek.

One embarrassing situation was when I got hit in paint ball even before I managed to shoot one bullet. At that point I gave my bullets to my teammate but later felt quite guilty about cheating. So I relieved my guilt by telling quite a few people what I did. Thus even though I couldn't undo the mistake, I accepted it. Sometimes that is the best one can do I suppose.

Apart from all my learnings/ discoveries from the above activities, there is another thing I will take away from this camp- overcoming my fear of insects. Prior to this camp I was very squeamish around insects. But after a week of sharing my tent and bathroom with cockroaches and other insects, I can confidently say I have over some this squeamishness. I can now use a paper to pick up insects on  my table and throw them out of the window!

On the whole the entire leadership camp was an amazing experience. 

Learning outcomes achieved:

1. Increased awareness of my strengths and areas of growth
2. Considered the ethical implications of my actions (reflection of cheating in paintball)
3. Planned and initiated activities 
4. Worked collaboratively with others
5. Shown perseverance and commitment in the activities
6. Undertaken new challenges
7. Developed new skills

Debating

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Though I'd taken part in several elocution competitions and extempores, I had interestingly never taken part in a formal debate. The inter-house debate in Indus (my new school) was my first experience.

The topic for the preliminary round was “Does religion cause war?” Whenever I write something, I write down the first thing that comes to my mind and later revise it. However this was a topic for which I had points for both for and against and as I kept writing whatever came to my mind, I ended up confused not knowing what I believed. This was when I realized that it helps to arrange my thoughts before I start writing. I drew mind maps and I saw that my thoughts became clearer and I could make more connections.

During the debate itself I practiced listening to others completely. When someone contradicts me or is arguing with me, I generally start thinking of ways to come back even before they are done. So this was a good practice.
 

The topic for the debate finals was “Should schooling be voluntary?” For some reason I thought I topic was “ Should schooling be compulsory?” So when my teammate said she wanted to be against the topic, I was happy and I planned my speech on why I thought schooling should be made compulsory. It was only 10 minutes before the debate that we realized that we were both saying the same thing. So I naturally panicked. I had to suddenly twist my entire argument around. I could not think of anything. However once I stopped panicking and allowed myself to relax, thoughts and ideas started coming to me. I also realized that I could not possibly twist my previous argument around. So once I let go of previous thoughts and stopped panicking I got new ideas. My team won! 

I also learned from this instance that misunderstandings come from assumptions. Hence it is better to be doubly sure that assume

However apart from the personal learnings, the topics of the debate helped me consider the questions about war and education critically and look at these issues from different perspectives. 

This debate was very educational and I am glad I was a part of it.

 Learning outcomes achieved:
1. Increased awareness of my own strengths and areas of growth
2. Planned and initiated activities
3. Engaged with issues of global importance

Rural Development Project

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"We are going to Mumbai and Onde (a village in Maharasthra) to build a check dam". I repeated this several times before the CAS trip because I was excited about buliding a dam! Incidentally we were also going Kayaking. It sounded great!

 We went Kayaking and Dragon boat racing on the first day. Kayaking taught me to hold on even when I was tired while the Dragon boat race yet again highlighted the importance of teamwork. I saw that one person working against the team (deliberately or unintentionally) can cause hindrance to the progress of the team. This I could see literally as I saw the dragon boat move. And merely grumbling about the person did not (and will not) help matters.

When we started working in the village I observed that I could work more than I previously thought I could. I made new limits for myself. I learnt that I could lift heavy weights and also dig. However what I found a little queer was that I couldn’t stitch very easily. In fact I thought I was quite unproductive. However if I had tried, I think I could have improved but I chose to do the more manual works. 

I had an interesting experience while carrying tubs of sand on my head. There were 2 sizes of tubs. I could carry the small ones filled to the brim and the big ones half filled. However I once mistook a big tub for the small one and proceeded to carry it. I could carry it with a little effort. However one of the locals told me that even they did not carry such heavy weights and I could potentially hurt myself. I listened to him and carried lesser sand, but I was internally quite proud of myself. In contemplation, there was more to that experience. I had heard about the power of the mind, but this made me experience it. Merely believing that the task is not difficult, makes it more doable! 

I also noticed that I found the manual work very gratifying. Since I generally think a lot and tend to have a lot of internal conversations, it was a refreshing experience to focus, but not think. I also noticed that being “productive” made me happy and it genuinely lightened my mood.

There were few other things I noticed about myself. I have bad eyesight and I feel very uncomfortable when I cannot see. This was evident when I got into the pool without my contact lens. I also noticed that I tend to talk unkindly or say things I don't mean when I am in a bad mood that can hurt others. Though I realize this later and apologize immediately, I still feel a little guilty. I am also careless and disorganized. I don't take care of my things very well.

 This RDP helped, in its small way, in utilizing the limited water available on earth more efficiently. It helped 10,000 people, of the millions suffering from lack of water globally, by extending their supply of water by a few months. Though it is a drop of water in the mighty ocean of reducing water scarcity (pun intended), it is important. Yet the satisfaction I got from this project was not limited to feel good factor I got from this. I learned to adjust, develop my stamina and improve in several ways.

Learning outcomes achieved:
1. Increased awareness of my strengths and areas of growth
2. Undertaken new challenges
3. Worked collaboratively with others
4. Shown perseverance and commitment in the activities
5. Engaged with issues of global importance
6. Considered ethical importance of my actions 
7. Developed new skills

+MUN. Munning again!

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After OakMUN, I hadn't been to any other MUNs. I got to know about the +MUN about 5 days before it was supposed to take place. So my first instinct was to disregard it because I thought it would be impractical. But then I realized that this was one of the few MUN’s that took place in Hyderabad. So I made an impromptu decision and registered for it. I was asked to opt for a preferred country and I asked for India but I had no hopes of getting it because I was registering late. So I was extremely surprised when I did get it! The notion that “ask and you shall get” became stronger in me.

The previous MUN I took a lot of pressure and stress as I did not know what exactly to expect. This time because I knew what to expect and also told myself it was okay to not do well, I was not stressed. I did not have enough time, but then I knew from my previous experience where to start looking. I did a little research and I felt I was better prepared for my topic than the last time. When I went to the conference, I saw that I knew many people from the last time and I felt very good when all of them talked to me. I am probably a very social person.

Initially the session was very good and I was able to back up the claims I made with actual facts (something I did not do last time). I was surprised that the little research I did actually came in handy. I felt very confident. I also felt experienced though it was only my second time and I gave a few tips to the person beside me.

However as the day progressed, I did not have fun. I was quite bored and this was probably either because I had come with different expectations as I was comparing it to last time or because there were people who were very well researched and after a point I lost track and lost interest. My guess is it is both. So this also taught me that I am very used to being in the lime light and not being a part of what is going on was a new experience.

We ended the day with a crisis situation. Crisis situations are hypothetical situations in which several things go wrong at once that the organizers introduce and expect us to figure out and solve. So that day I went to research a little more and I found that again I was able to make connections very fast. By the end of it I had come up with a version of what caused the crisis that was fit to become a Hollywood movie. It was full of conspiracies. This made me realize that very often I find what I am looking for. While this is generally a good thing, I have to be wary of the confirmation biases it could lead to.

I noticed something else during this MUN. I have a kind of confident charisma. At many points, I did not really have anything to say, but people came to me. They expected me to say something, suggest some ideas. I also learned that sometimes it is okay to not have ideas or have something to say. I learned to listen to others and appreciate them.

I realized again that I generally tend to support the under dogs. This was evident by the way I wanted to support Iran though India shouldn’t! And I realized this is probably one of the reasons I am not great at MUN. My strong beliefs about right and wrong prevent me from thinking and acting as a representative of a country. I thought I wasn’t great during this whole MUN and I felt that others could have done a better job of being India. Initially this bothered me and lowered my self confidence. I felt bad. But then again once I let go of the notion to always be good, I felt better. I was quite surprised when I actually got an award. I also realized I need not always be serious and the one in lime light. During the end of the session, while some were busy writing a resolution, I goofed off a bit and I enjoyed it!

I realized another very important aspect about myself during this MUN. I realized that I was repeatedly telling myself that MUN was something that I ought to enjoy, it was my kind of thing. During this MUN I realized that it wasn’t really something that I enjoyed a lot. The most important part of this MUN was realizing it and letting go of the need to enjoy MUN.

This MUN sensitized me to the effects of money laundering on different countries of the world. However it also taught me a lot about others and a lot more about myself and only as I was writing this reflection did I realize how much it taught me. I am glad I made the impromptu decision.

Learning outcomes achieved:
1. Increased awareness of my strengths and areas of growth
2. Planned and initiated activities
3. Worked collaboratively with others
4. Engaged with issue of global importance

OakMUN- My first MUN

Model United Nations (MUN) is a format of debating where each participant takes on the role of representing a country in a simulation of a UN conference. I was introduced to this after I joined Indus in my 11th grade and it sounded like something I was going to enjoy. OakMUN was my first MUNning experience.

I found out I was going to the OakMUN two days before the event itself. Since it was my first time and I did not know how to go about the research, what to wear or even how to get there. So naturally I panicked. I started worrying about everything at once and hence felt very paranoid. Then I told myself to relax, made a practical plan and went about it. This is a recurring pattern that I observe. I panic, get paranoid then relax. And when I relax everything falls into place. I also realize that once I make up my mind to do something, I persevere and complete it.

When I started the research, I realized that I did not know anything about the topics - Reconstruction of Africa and role of private military companies in war -  or my country’s stand on it (though I was representing India!). This was because of my poor general knowledge and awareness about current affairs. This is certainly an area I can improve in.

In the first session of MUN I did not speak much. But as the sessions progressed I started getting ideas and started to speak. There was a certain instance when an idea of mine was not accepted by anyone, but I persisted and ended up convincing most other delegates. I learned that when I strongly believe in something, I can be very persuasive.

Before the MUN people told me that the research did not matter much, I was required to think on my feet in MUN. But however till I experienced it myself I did not really accept it. It wasn’t that I did not believe them. It was just that for me only experience makes something real and till then it is only an intellectual possibility. This means that though I might intellectually believe something, only experience makes it real.

I made 2 more observations about myself in this MUN. The first was that I really enjoyed crisis management sessions, in which we had to come up with solutions for problems that seemed impossible to solve. I also noticed that when I was alone, (I was the only student from Indus from my committee) I make friends very easily.

Apart from being sensitized to problems in Africa, I was also sensitized to several aspects of myself by participating in this MUN.

Learning outcomes achieved:
1. Increased awareness of my strengths and areas of growth
2. Undertaken new challenges
3. Planned and initiated activities
4. Worked collaboratively with others
5. Developed new skills
6. Engaged with issues of global importance